The morning sunlight filtered through the curtains, warm and bright, but it did little to ease the weight in my chest. My husband sat next to me, gripping my hand tightly. His face was drawn, his grief so raw and real it made the silence between us almost unbearable. His mother was gone.
Reflecting on Love and Loss
She was someone I’d heard so much about, someone I felt like I knew in many ways, yet I’d never had the chance to meet her in person. She had never met her youngest grandchild, our three-year-old daughter.
Life had gotten in the way. We’d had plans to visit, to bridge the gap created by distance, but somehow there was always something—work, schedules, schools, responsibilities, and more. "We’ll go soon," we kept saying. Soon, it turned into too late. Now, I was left with a strange, hollow ache, mourning the connection I’d hoped to build with her and the relationship she would have had with my daughter.
I thought of how excited she had been when my husband told her about our little girl, sharing pictures and stories over the phone. She had wanted so much to be part of her life—to hold her, to play with her, to tell her all the little stories about her dad growing up. My daughter, with her big, curious eyes and boundless energy, would have adored her grandmother. I couldn’t shake the sadness of what could have been.
Later that day, as my daughter played on the floor with her toys, completely oblivious to the heavy emotions swirling around her, I found myself watching her more closely than usual. She looked so much like her dad, and in some way, I could see traces of her grandmother in her, too.
“Your grandma would have loved you so much,” I said softly, mostly to myself. My daughter looked up at me, puzzled but smiling, and I felt a lump rise in my throat.
The grief hit me all over again—grief not just for her absence but for the moments she would miss. I thought of the hugs my daughter wouldn’t get, the wisdom her grandmother wouldn’t pass on, the birthday cards and holiday memories that would never happen. But as the tears came, I realized something else, too: just because those moments wouldn’t happen didn’t mean her love wouldn’t still be a part of our lives.
My husband’s mom left her mark in so many ways. The man I fell in love with was shaped by her care, her kindness, and her strength. The patience he showed our daughter, the way he loved her fiercely, even the silly bedtime stories he made up for her—all of it came from the way his mother had loved and raised him.
Over the next few days, as we tried to move forward, I kept coming back to one thought: I wanted my daughter to know her grandmother, even if they’d never met. I wanted her to grow up hearing stories about the woman who had played such a huge role in shaping our family.
So, I started collecting memories—asking my husband to tell me more stories about her, looking through old photos, and writing down the little things I already knew. I wanted to make her feel real to my daughter, to show her the kind of person her grandmother had been.
I told her about how her grandmother loved gardening, and how she could coax life from even the tiniest seeds. I shared how she loved to laugh, and how her hugs were the kind that made you feel like everything was going to be okay. I told her about the way her grandmother had loved her dad, supporting him through every success and stumble, always proud of the man he was becoming.
In time, my daughter began asking about her. “What else did Grandma like?” she’d say, or, “Do you think Grandma would like my drawing?” A coloured trace of her hand on paper. It warmed my heart to see her curiosity grow, to know that her grandmother’s love was becoming a part of her life even without the physical connection.
There were moments when the sadness still hit hard—on milestones her grandmother would never see, like my daughter’s first-ever dance princess play in our neighbourhood or her first time riding a bike. But those moments were also reminders of how much love her grandmother had poured into our family.
The love she gave to my husband, the values she instilled in him, and the stories she left behind—all of that is still here. It was part of our everyday lives, woven into who we were as a family.
It’s never easy to lose someone, and it’s even harder when there are things left unsaid or undone. But I’ve learned that love has a way of staying with us, even when people can’t. My daughter may not have met her grandmother in person, but she will grow up knowing her through the stories we share and the love that lives on in our family.
It’s Time to Pause and Reflect
Losing someone is never easy, is it? Especially when there are moments you were looking forward to—conversations you imagined, memories you thought you’d make—but life didn’t give you the chance. It’s okay to feel the weight of that. It’s okay to miss them for all the things that were and all the things that couldn’t be.
But even in those tough moments, their love doesn’t disappear. It’s still there, showing up in the ways they’ve shaped you, the memories you carry, and even the habits or little quirks you picked up from them. Finding ways to keep that connection alive can bring so much comfort, even when the sadness overwhelms.
Here’s something to think about:
What’s one special memory or story about them that you love?
How do you feel their presence in your life now?
What’s a simple way to honor them in your day-to-day life?
It’s okay to take your time answering these questions. There’s no right or wrong way to process loss or to hold onto someone’s memory. Just remember, even if they’re not physically here, the love you shared doesn’t go anywhere. It’s still a part of you, and it always will be.
A Note to the Reader:
If you’ve experienced something similar, I want you to know it’s okay to feel the loss deeply, to grieve for the things that could have been. But it’s also okay to find comfort in the love that remains. Celebrate the memories, keep their spirit alive, and trust that their presence will always be felt in the ways they shaped your life.
Life doesn’t always go the way we plan, but love has a way of reaching across even the deepest distances, reminding us of the connections that can never truly be broken.
If you’ve ever felt like your emotions get the best of you—you’re not alone. I’ve been there too, stuck in those moments where reacting feels automatic and unavoidable. But I’ve learned that taking just a small pause before responding, even when it feels like such a tiny thing, can completely shift how you handle a situation. It’s not easy at first, but it can truly change everything, one moment at a time.
That’s why I want to share something that’s helped me so much: Coach Ignatius's Emotions-Based Coaching Session. It’s been such a positive influence in my life, teaching me how to understand my emotions and respond with more clarity. If you’re looking for something that helps you feel more in control, this is worth trying. Honestly, it’s a choice I’m so glad I made—and I think you’ll feel the same way.
Reflections by Bev Cuayzon
Bev, a devoted mother at heart, finds joy in working from home. Balancing her roles as a travel consultant, self-published author, and SEO analyst, she's deeply passionate about sharing her knowledge to empower others, particularly fellow mothers. During her journey, Bev discovered the importance of mental wellness. She realized that maintaining a healthy mind is essential for navigating the demands of work, family, and personal pursuits. |
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