The Emotions Library project is a collection of stories related to the emotion(s) we experience. Stories bring meaning and clarity, helping us understand our emotions better. We do this so that everyone has access to knowledge, gains emotional literacy, and develops self-awareness. Today, we’re exploring one of the most intense and revealing emotions humans experience: agony.
While it may not be an easy topic, understanding agony brings a unique insight into our need for care, comfort, and deep connection. Agony is an emotion we all encounter at some point—whether through personal loss, intense heartbreak, or simply the hard struggles life throws our way. It’s an emotion that feels raw and uncomfortable but also serves a vital purpose, urging us to pay attention to our needs and the support available around us.
When we face agony, we learn about our vulnerabilities and the value of leaning on others. This emotion, though painful, leads us toward healing and growth, reminding us that through our struggles, we find deeper connections and the strength to move forward.
Story: Experiencing intense physical or emotional pain.
Impulse: Cry out or seek relief.
Etymology: From Greek agonia, meaning a struggle or contest.
Purpose: Agony draws attention to the need for immediate care or support.
Emotional Regulation and Journaling
In collaboration with Calm3D, we offer a safe space for emotional regulation. This space allows you to feel peace, safety, and security while reflecting on your experience of agony. It is a moment to confront and understand the emotions that arise from your deepest struggles, providing an opportunity to process and heal.
Visit www.playcalm3d.com to reflect on your emotions and find peace as you navigate through the pain, allowing space for healing and self-compassion.
Reflective Questions:
1. How can you feel this fully while seeking comfort?
2. What small act of self-care can ease this agony?
3. Who or what can offer you support in this moment?
Let’s explore Bev’s story of facing the intense agony of loss and see how she worked through her pain—just as many of us strive to do in our own lives.
Experiencing Intense Physical or Emotional Pain
When Bev lost her mother, Elenita, at eighteen, she felt her world split open. Elenita had been more than just a parent; she was Bev’s guide through life, her confidante, and the person who gave her a sense of home. Her mother’s presence had always been steady, offering support and wisdom. But when Elenita passed, Bev was left with a deep, unrelenting pain. Her home, once filled with warmth, now felt unbearably quiet. It was an emptiness that touched every corner, each silence a painful reminder that her mother was no longer there.
In the early days, Bev often felt adrift, walking through each day in a daze. She would instinctively reach for the phone to tell her mom about something small, only to remember, in the pit of her stomach, that she couldn’t. Each realization brought a fresh wave of sorrow, a profound agony she couldn’t shake. This pain was more than sadness; it was a raw, physical ache that left her exhausted. She found herself pulled between wanting to scream and a numbness that made her feel cut off from everyone else. It was as if her heart was constantly struggling—a daily contest to face this new reality.
But Bev had always been someone who held things in, trying to handle emotions on her own. Now in the grip of grief, she found that approach left her feeling even more isolated. She needed relief but didn’t know where to find it.
One evening, feeling particularly lost, Bev went into her mother’s room. She saw her mom’s favorite handkerchief on the dresser and, without thinking, caressed it and hugged it close to her chest. Hugging it close, she let herself sink into memories, feeling the texture and warmth as though her mom was there with her. She closed her eyes and let the tears come, releasing the pain she’d been holding in for so long. At that moment, Bev realized that maybe she didn’t need to rush past her grief. Perhaps, by letting herself feel full and seeking small comforts, she could begin to heal.
Impulse: Cry Out or Seek Relief
Bev felt a deep urge to cry out, to do something—anything—that could release the pain. When she finally allowed herself to let the tears flow freely, she noticed a bit of relief, as though she was making space for her grief instead of keeping it locked up. In those early days, she would go into her mom’s room, curl up on her bed with her mother’s picture and handkerchief, and let herself cry. Sometimes she’d even talk out loud, as if her mom could still hear her. These small moments of letting go gave her a glimpse of comfort, a reminder that it was okay to feel exactly what she was feeling.
The Origins of “Agony”
The word “agony” comes from the Greek agonia, which means a struggle or contest. Bev’s grief was exactly that—a struggle to make sense of a world without her mom. Some days were easier than others, but every day felt like an uphill climb, a contest between trying to move forward and holding on to the memories that kept her close to her mom. Realizing that agony was tied to struggle reminded Bev that her pain was natural, a part of processing the love and connection she’d lost. It wasn’t about “getting over” her grief; it was about learning to carry it and finding new ways to live alongside it.
Purpose: Finding Meaning in Agony
Agony draws attention to the need for immediate care or support. In Bev’s journey, the intense ache of her grief was a signal that she needed compassion, both from herself and from those around her. This pain wasn’t something she could ignore or overcome by sheer willpower; it required gentleness and self-care. By honoring her agony instead of fighting it, she began to understand that reaching out and accepting comfort didn’t make her weak—it made her human. Bev’s process became about finding small ways to ease her suffering, and in doing so, she learned that caring for herself was essential.
Emotional Literacy: Facing Agony with Awareness and Compassion
Learning to recognize and understand our emotions can make a challenging experience like grief feel a little less isolating. For Bev, emotional literacy helped her navigate the overwhelming pain of losing her mother. At first, her grief felt like an unmanageable storm, with sadness, anger, and confusion mixing. But instead of trying to fix it or push it away, Bev learned to acknowledge and process it.
By naming her feelings, Bev was able to see that grief was more than just sadness—it was a combination of emotions like fear, guilt, and anger. This helped her feel more in control and gave her permission to experience those emotions without judgment. Bev also recognized her impulse to seek relief from the pain, whether through distractions or avoidance. But as she practiced emotional literacy, she realized that sitting with her discomfort was necessary to heal.
Understanding the deeper reasons behind her grief also helped. Bev recognized that her pain wasn’t just about missing her mom—it was about the future that was lost. This understanding didn’t lessen the pain, but it made it easier to face.
Emotional literacy also gave Bev the tools to express her feelings, whether through writing or talking to others. By naming her grief, she no longer felt as alone in it. Through this process, Bev learned that even the hardest emotions have a purpose—they guide us toward what we need most, like support and self-care. Emotional literacy played a crucial role in her healing process and in discovering strength within her pain.
Reflective Questions
Reflecting on our emotions can be a powerful tool for healing, especially during times of deep pain. These questions helped Bev connect with her grief in a gentle, compassionate way, allowing her to process and understand her emotions more fully.
How can you allow yourself to feel this fully while seeking comfort?
What small act of self-care can ease this agony?
Who or what can offer you support at this moment?
Final Thoughts
Feeling agonized is a deeply personal experience, often tied to intense emotional pain. When Bev lost her mother at eighteen, the grief felt unbearable, and the impulse to cry out was overwhelming. But through this pain, she learned that allowing herself to feel and process her emotions was key to healing.
If you relate to Bev's journey, remember that emotional struggles offer opportunities for growth and understanding. To help navigate these intense feelings, Emoli Cards can be a valuable tool. They offer a way to articulate your emotions and gain clarity on what you're experiencing.
For deeper support, consider booking an Emotions-Based Coaching session. Together, we can explore your emotions, build self-awareness, and foster resilience. Let’s begin your path to emotional empowerment—your healing journey starts here.
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