This is guest house visualization from the Chapter on Self Forgiveness, inviting consolations of Love, Empathy and Security to the experience of loving self, fully, deeply and having that comfort that I am loved, I am safe.
I started the day uninspired but full of swirling thoughts. At 530am I decided to calm down into the guest house but could not as the visualization was intermittently disrupted with thoughts and distractions. Finally I decided to just sit with love in the garden and see where that would lead me.
I am in the garden with Love. We are both early risers and the morning dew in the garden mixes the scent of fresh air with the aromas of the herbs and flowers in the garden. The plants were not the focus of the visualization. Rather it was the weeds that caught my attention. Love was observing the weeds as they were. I instinctively reached out with my fingers to pluck the weed, a stalk of tall grass that was not meant to be. Love held me back with a gesture and continued in silence to watch with a smile in her eyes. This was when silence swept in, and I became still.
This was the moment I was prompted to forgive myself for being distracted in thought and acting from instinct. At times I find myself paralyzed in thoughts and find it to be a curse. This was when I knew what to seek forgiveness for. To forgive myself for over thinking, for not being able to rest in silence although I was desirous of it, for not seeing my restless mind as both a curse and a gift. This gift had served me well, to plan and consider matters from various perspectives at work, to think creatively and to be playful and spontaneous at times. The curse was days like these where I sleep and rise with the labor of working through the night with those thoughts being processed through the night.
I next imagine myself being in the stream, wading in to feel the cool and flowing water run through my palms, extended and reached into the water, cupping it and allowing that water to trickle and flow through my fingers. I feel the water as it flows and I let the feeling of self blame be delivered into the peaceful flowing water in the stream.
I watch it bid goodbye into the horizon as I am accompanied by Love, standing beside me shoulder to shoulder. She gestures me to return back to the garden, and I see Playfulness running with the puppy in the garden where the playground is. The message of inspiration that came was to appreciate both the good and the bad of my self, and to love all of who I am. At that moment, a surge of creative energy channeled through my spine and up towards my head. I knew I was ready to accept me, as I am, and to enjoy being me.
In the eastern tradition of Christianity, the magi were believed to pay homage twelve days after the birth of Christ, in a day of Epiphany. Epiphany, defined as a moment of sudden and great revelation or realization, would come through your journey of self healing as well. This begins with each small practice and the daily habit of learning to live in a life of contemplation and self-love.
I continue to practice forgiveness daily, not only to forgive myself, but sometimes to also forgive others who have hurt me. Mostly, I learned to let go of my perception of being inadequate, or of being a failure. The lesson from the 3 magi (love, empathy and security), was the epiphany that I am a miracle, because of both my goodness, and my sins. This helps anchor me in a feeling of being complete, whole and restored. This is where I begin working from and out of inner wisdom, working from light.
You too, should start honor your soul, love your self, be your own best friend. Here's wishing you a healthy dose of Love. Empathy. Security.