Excitement is fear and joy.
This was how I felt in my earlier blog post reflection about the decision to strike out on my own.
The topic dwelled in me much longer - almost daily. In my mind, it feels like I'm walking on this bridge across a ravine.
Something holds me back to the safe certainty of what's known and what's seemingly behind me - funding a stable job again and build the routine around earning for the family and spending time with family.
Yet there is a joyful feeling calling to me each time I pursue this path of writing on the blog, drawing up concepts for the app, and speaking to new customers.
I realised that the missing feeling I desired is courage.
Courage and doubt
After taking a plunge into uncertainty, I find myself cliff hanging, trying to hold onto my past. The doubt sets in and I feel foolish.
What was I thinking? I ask myself constantly about the decision to build a team to develop the Calm3d mood regulation app.
Each time I face a rejection, a minor setback or check my dipping bank account balance, I go back to cliff hanging.
Should I get a job?
Then I mindlessly search for jobs on LinkedIn and after awhile, I get tired by the lack of purposefulness.
Sustaining courage requires the virtue of purposefulness
The sense of mission is at the core of my desire to start this business. I do this so that individuals may build resilience and be aware of the choice they have when flooded by negative emotions.
Yet I get flooded daily by each bill I pay, every purchase made, each meal.
The fear covers up this sense of mission and purposeful action. But this is what I need most!
I'm feeling joyful just reminding myself why I do what I do. Because this gives me meaning.
It shows my internal values system is prioritising money fears below purposeful action.
This is wisdom for today. Excitement and Courage gives me Joy, and Courage is sustained through holding onto my sense of purpose and mission.
Hope this inspires you too!